Экономические системы (The World Economic Systems)

Study The World Economic Systems and say what you would do if you had two cows… Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure communism: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Singapore democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

Militarism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

Representative democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

American democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair «Cowgate».

British democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours kill you and take the cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Hong kong capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. Feminism: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Political correctness: You are associated with (the concept of «ownership» is a symbol of the phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Counter culture: Wow, dude, there’s like. these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. Far out! Awesome!

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Japanese democracy: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don’t ask any awkward questions about who you’re giving the milk to.

European federalism: You have two cows which cost too much money to care for because everybody is buying milk imported from some cheap east-European country and would never pay the fortune you’d have to ask for your cows’ milk. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough subsidies. You then sell your milk at the former elevated price to some government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at east-European prices to make Europe competitive. You spend the money you got as a subsidy on two new cows and then go on a demonstration to Brussels complaining that the European farm-policy is going to drive you out of your job.

Eastern european democracy: You have two cows. You sell the milk (diluted with some water) at a high price to the neighbours or to anyone at the open-air market. If somebody asks for receipt, you charge for a two times higher price, so nobody will request an invoice. For concerned families with small babies you claim that the milk is «bio», though you collect the grass for feeding at the side of the highway and you keep the milk in plastic barrels used previously as containers of dangerous chemicals. Later, your neighbour or anybody from town will steal the cows and you will buy their meat for a high price, and if you ask for a receipt, you will be charged for a two times higher price.

Finnish socialism: You have two cows. Soon you have to kill one of them because in the Netherlands there is an overproduction of milk and the European Union rules say so. When you do so, you realize that it was not necessary, only the system was too slow in getting you the up-to-date news. From the stress, you get an ulcer in your stomach so you go to a doctor. The doctor realizes that this ulcer is a serious one, so you need an urgent treatment. Therefore, you soon get a call to the local hospital. The call’s date is for 3 months later, because there is a queue with more urgent cases. Then your ulcer becomes even more serious because you remember that 40 percent of your income is taken for social tax.

Слова и выражения к теме (Vocalubary)Экономические системы :

 

«bio» «био» (продукт)
adopt здесь: усыновлять, удочерять
affair дело, афера
anarchy анархия
animal животное
annual ежегодный apartment
associated ассоциированный, ассоциирующийся awkward
bovine коровий; здесь (иронич.): коровоподобное существо brain
bureaucracy бюрократия
bureaucratic бюрократический
chemical химическое вещество
claim требовать, провозглашать, объявлять
collect собирать
competitive конкуренто
complain жаловаться
concept концепт, концепция, представление
container контейнер
correctness корректность
cow корова
debt долг, долговое обязательство, задолженность
democracy демократия
deny отрицать, отвергать
dictatorship диктатура
dilute разбавлять, разводить
distributor дистрибьютор, оптовый торговец
draft здесь: призывать на воинскую службу
drain канава, дренажная труба
dub называть, обзывать
dude парень, приятель (сленг: форма обращения) dump
elevated поднятые, завышенные
environmentalism социально
equity чистая стоимость капитала, акция, доля акционера в капитале
ex chicken
execute исполнять, проводить (операцию, сделку)
exist существовать
fascism фашизм
federalism федерализм
feed кормить, скармливать
feminism феминизм
feudalism феодализм
fine штраф; штрафовать
form форма (документа)
former прежний
fortune судьба, фортуна, состояние gangster
grant грант; наделять, выделять, гарантировать harmonica
impeach подвергать импичменту
intermediary посредник
intolerant нетерпимый
invoice накладная
lord хозяин, господин
mad сумасшедший
majority большинство (акционеров)
meanwhile тем временем
militarism милитаризм
milk молоко; доить (корову)
miss пропадать, исчезать, отсутствовать, скучать (по чему
ownership владение, обладание
pick находить, поднимать, подбирать, выбирать
plastic пластмассовый
pour лить, проливать
press пресса
previously прежде, в предшествующий период
pure чистый, беспримесный
queue очередь
realize осознавать, понимать
receipt товарный чек
regulations законы, ограничения, предписания representative
share акция; делить, разделять (с кем
shareholder акционер
sheep овца, овцы
shoot стрелять, расстреливать
speculate спекулировать
steal воровать
stomach желудок
subsidise субсидировать
subsidy субсидия
surrealism сюрреализм
swap обменная операция
symbol символ
totalitarianism тоталитаризм
transfer трансферт; передавать, переводить
treatment обращение (с кем
ulcer язва
unlicensed не имеющая лицензии
urgent экстренный, спешный, немедленный
veal calf теленок
via через, при посредничестве
vote голос (на выборах); голосовать (на выборах)
take care of заботиться (о ком
cow futures «коровьи фьючерсы»
» Cowgate « «Коровогейт» (по аналогии с названием Watergate
go mad сходить с ума
fill out заполнять (формы, документы)
account for объяснять, отчитываться (за что
fair price честная цена
publicly listed company акционерное общество открытого типа, подписавшее соглашение с фондовой биржей, где котируются его акции
letters of credit аккредитив
debt / equity swap обмен долговых обязательств на акции предприятия
general offer генеральное предложение
tax deduction налоговая льгота
keep milk rights владеть правами на молоко
majority shareholder держатель контрольного пакета акций
with an option с опционом (приобретения)
the Feng Shui фэн
get married вступать в брак
phallo centric
war mongering
differently aged
no less valuable не менее ценный
non specified gender
counter culture контркультура
Wow разг. здорово! блеск!
Far out ! сленг здорово! классно!
Awesome ! сленг здорово! отлично!
pay the fortune платить целое состояние
apply for financial aid обращаться за финансовой помощью
farm policy
drive out вытеснять, выводить, изгонять
open air market
up to
Cayman Islands Каймановы острова
European Union Европейский союз
Brussels Брюссель
Finnish финский
the Netherlands Нидерланды

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